Frantic Thoughts 

Time seems to stand still for me. Because I’m getting nowhere. It’s been how many years of me trying to understand my own insanity. How many nights of sitting down trying to pinpoint the source of all my limitations and snuff them out only to find out the next morning I missed my target. What am I doing. Why can’t I do this. Why can’t I live? Why can’t I live!? Why don’t I know how to live?! I  don’t understand. I don’t call this living. Waking up every morning just drifting by smiling as though everything’s alright. Talking to people that swear we’re friends while in reality they don’t know shit about me and to be honest I barely even remember their names. I ask what do people want from me but at the end of the day I’m really asking myself what do I want from me.  I can’t take it . I can’t take always being unsatisfied with myself, my life, everything. Why is there always more, why is everything I want conveniently out of my reach? Why can’t I do this thing called living. Maybe if I list want I want. Maybe If I see it ahhh fuck it! Why!? Why do I have to work so hard to be at a level of existence most people are just born into. How is it these people can just live such full and satisfying lives while being so sure of who they are and happy with who they are while I sit here panicked and scared that I’ll never wake up feeling that same way. I’m just so damn tired.